I was going to speak, but she had already taken off, leaving my questions in the dust. I rolled out of the sheets that hugged me close, letting the cool breeze enter my body. Hmm, what will it be today, what will it be? I was staring at my closet filled with colorful items. I reached forward and grabbed my favorite baggy jeans, along with a white T-shirt you could tell I’ve worn a lot.
After I put on my clothes, I walked over to my bathroom mirror and took a long hard look at myself. I did different facial expressions in the mirror and started to laugh; I can never stay serious. I put in my lucky hoop earring and put my brown, soft hair into my favorite scrunchy. I'm ready for Mia's craziness.
I trotted down the staircase, holding onto the stern handrail. While walking to the kitchen, I encountered my well-energized dog, who greeted me with a couple of yoga poses.
“Mia, I’m ready!” I called out, looking around. Suddenly a woman I was not familiar with skipped into the hall and smiled at me. Her freckled face was covered in loads of makeup, making her bright blue eyes sparkle.
“Mia?” I was so confused. “What…?”
After she rolled her eyes, she grabbed my hand and said “Come on!” and led me to the front door. “Yes, it's me! Mia!” she said, doing a spin. “I like your outfit, Cam. Where did you get those clothes?”
This kind of felt like an insult, like no one my size would have decent clothes to wear.
“I made them,” I said.
“Really?” she said, taking me to the car. “All of it?” I know this reaction; I get it a lot. I’m used to it.
“Yes, all of it,” I said in a fake, cheery voice. “Where are we going, anyway?” I heard a clicking, meaning she had locked the car door.
After a few moments of hesitation, she said, “We are going to a modeling interview, hence the reason I'm all dressed up...” As soon as those words reached my ears, I threw my arms at the door, trying to open it, but after a few moments of fiddling with the handle, I realized that Mia had locked the door.
“DUDE!” I blurted out. “I can’t go to that! Why are we going, anyways? What’s the reason?” Her expression went from a silly and present look to a nervous and scared one.
“I--” She cut off. “I want to be a model.”
I stared at her. “Okay, why am I involved?”
We came to a red light. “I’m nervous, and I need you. Please?” She started to bat her eyes and quiver her lips. “Pretty please, favorite cousin?”
I stared at her and sighed. “Fine, let's go.”
***
We both walked inside the main hall, which led to a couple of large and very well decorated rooms. If you didn't know Mia very well, you couldn't tell that she was nervous. From the outside, she looked so calm and confident, but I know Mia. She was shaking on the inside.
I heard the clicking of heels coming our way. A tall, blonde woman with a tight dress on came over and started talking to Mia. She took a couple of glances my way, and they weren't necessarily the best ones I've ever gotten. All I did was smile at her. After some small talk with Mia -- compliments, laughter, and some hand movements -- she put her hand on Mia's shoulder and started to walk away. I thought Mia would turn around or something, but the lady with the perfect face did. She gave me a death stare from head to toe, like she was scanning me. Out of nowhere I just blurted out, “YEAH! Go, Mia! You're going to do great!!” Now she looked behind her, towards me, and smiled, mouthing, “Thank you.”
I sat down in a black leather chair next to the exit of the building and started to read, trying to ignore the fact that people were staring at me. Man, when is she going to get done?
I looked up from my book and marked my place. The fair maiden... I stuck my tongue out like a dog begging for water. I got out of the soft chair, trying to find someone who would help me.
I finally found someone who got me some water. She was skinny and beautiful, too, like all the rest of the fine women who worked here. Something about this place seemed off, something that made me feel really uncomfortable.
I went back to my comfy little area in the corner and picked up one of the magazines that were so neatly placed on the side table. The first one I grabbed said… “Abercrombie and Fitch? Are you sure?” Not knowing what I got myself into, I started to read.
“Mike Jeffries says he only wants beautiful people in his store, only the cool kids with high self-esteem.” This can't be real, I thought. I kept on reading. “He says he is not afraid to kick oversized women out of his stores.” Is that what people think of others like me? That we don't “deserve” to be in fancy stores like that? Am I a disgrace to society?
***
I am currently in the car listening to Mia go on and on about how much they loved her, and about how much fun it was. At the end of all her boasting, she turned to me and thanked me for coming. I forced my face to make an authentic smile, and then I congratulated her.
We arrived home, and I started walking up the stairs while watching Mia skip into the kitchen and tell my mom all about the modeling thing. I opened my door and listened to the fierce, creaking sound. I walked over to my bed, grabbed my phone out of my bag, and jumped and fell onto my bed, sinking into the squishy wonderland. I picked my phone back up and typed, feeling the rhinestones on the back of my phone case. Mike Jeffries, Abercrombie and Fitch. I wanted to see if this was real.
After some research and a couple of cups of hot cocoa, I found what I needed, and I wasn't very happy. After that day, I've been feeling pretty depressed. No wonder I never go to the mall. My friends and family have been hiding me, hiding me from the real world. Along with all the disturbing articles, I also found an article on diets, and how to lose weight. I found something called the water diet, where you only drink water for three days, and you supposedly will lose weight. I was so desperate to fit in at this point that I wanted to do it.
***
It’s been two days, no food, only water. I’ve been hiding from everyone. Hiding. I’ve been getting out of dinner, saying I had homework and would eat later. Mia has been getting a little nosey lately, but not to the point where comes up to me. Mom hasn’t been suspicious at all, though, mainly because she has been very busy at work. It’s been hard, but I really want this; I don’t want to be judged anymore. I haven’t been moving around the house as easily. I have no energy.
***
I have been feeling extremely light-headed, but I’m almost there. I’ve lost almost seven pounds, but that’s not enough.
Something interrupted my thoughts, footsteps that were followed by a petite voice. “Hey, Cam.” Mia opened my door just a little bit. “Can I come in?”
“Sure, whatever.” I sounded hazy, tired. I stood up and started to look at the birds flying so freely out in the open air through my window. She walked in slowly and stared at me. I knew what she had come in for.
“Cam.” She started to tear up and crumble to the ground. “Cam, please don’t, please.”
“Don’t what?” I managed to get out, choking my tears back.
Her big, blue eyes turned a lighter blue. ”Cam, you know what I’m talking about, please stop,” she was saying to me, but I didn’t listen. I sat back down on my bed. Talking took more energy than it needed to. I lay down, making hot tears slip down my face, to then get sucked into the pillow’s fabric. She read what I was about to say. “I needed to go on your computer for homework, Cam.” She was trying hard not to cry. “And you didn’t close your tabs.”
In that second, tears didn’t matter to me, because instead of being sad, anger appeared. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” I startled her. “You’re a beautiful, gorgeous woman! Look at me, Mia, look at me! I don’t fit in, people don’t want me!”
She started to cry, even more, making her mascara drip down her cheek.
She started to talk. Though she was very quiet, she was trying to understand.
“Cam, you--you have never felt--felt this way before. Why are you now fe--feeling like this? What happened?”
I started to shake, and I felt extremely light headed. I felt as if I were lost, as if I couldn’t find the right words to say, but I managed to get out, “Abercrombie.” I felt myself getting really hot. My voice started to fade and turned into a whisper tone, but I got out, “And Fitch.” I started to spin, and I felt the floor reach my face.
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